Posts Tagged ‘Chuck Norris Triathlon Jokes’

With the pre-race nerves starting to arrive this week just in time for our debut in the half-ironman, I decided that I would stay cool, keep things light and try to use humor to keep me calm.

One of my stand-by all-time favorite things to distract me and make me laugh are “Chuck Norris Jokes”.  They never seem to get old such as:

Chuck Norris has already been to mars, that’s why there is no sign of life.


There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris but they had to change it as nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

So, in the spirit of Triathlon – here are a few personal favorite Chuck Norris jokes, triathlon style:

Chuck Norris didn’t get an Ironman tattoo, Ironman got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not use Body Glide; his nipples can cut steel.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a wetsuite because water gets out of his way.

Chuck Norris eats actual hammers for nutrition.

Chuck Norris did Ironman Wisconsin and Ironman New Orleans. He never stopped swimming. The Mississippi River was created.

Chuck Norris has only wrecked once, in Ironman Arizona. The aftermath of his crash is commonly known as The Grand Canyon.

Chuck Norris has no need for aero bars, disc wheels, or a helmet. He simply stairs down the air and it moves out of his way.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a timing chip on his ankle. Once the race is over HE decides what his time should be.

Chuck Norris does not need a razor to shave his legs. He just has to flex.

Chuck Norris can volunteer at a triathlon and still win it.

You know what Chuck Norris puts in his fuel belt? Fuel.

Chuck Norris had to stop training for the bike. When he rode from east to west, the Earth’s rotation changed causing time to reverse. Later, the makers of Superman II stole his idea.

When Chuck Norris did Ironman, the lead motorcycle had to draft off him just to keep up.

Chuck Norris is allowed to buy “Finisher merchandise” before the race.

During the post-ironman interview, Chuck Norris responded with, “What race?”

If Chuck Norris got a flat on the bike, he would just take yours.

T-5 days and counting.  We’re ready.  I do wish I would be able to use Chuck’s leg-shaving strategy on Saturday night.  I still have yet to master that aspect of race preparation.  It will be a minor miracle if I can get the stems shaved clean without cutting myself at least 5 times ….